thatspacefillerWednesday, February 08, 2006

Been driving on random roads, been meeting random people, been thinking random thoughts. Hours of conversations spent with a stranger who's not quite so anymore. Sometimes it's so much easier telling secrets to a random strangr and so difficult to talk to your best friend. Getting to know new people is so muhc fun, the time whe you both will run out of things to say seems so, so far away.. and maybe goodbyes have been said before that even takes place. Maybe that's why often relationships end.. both people know each other too well and it's time that they found a new person to discover and re-tell the stories of their lives.

And maybe that's why friendships end. Funny how sometimes things are so perfect, you're such good friends.. sitting together in class, talking on phone for hours everyday, going to Gulf randomly and shopping, bringing magazines to school wodnering what clothes would look good for the wedding, bitching about everyone and anyone, doodling nonsensical stuff in the class, sharing each others' deepest darkest secrets and all of a sudden, you just don't connect anymore. Trying to pretend everything is alright when it's really not. Trying to carry on the friendship that was but now jsut seems like a burden. Thinking of confrontation but then realizing it's not worth the energy bound to be wasted.

But there's a danger with loving somebody too muchAnd it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touchThere's a reason why people don't stay who they areBaby, sometimes love just ain't enough.

She who I'd tell everything to is the one I dread having to hang around everyday. Plastic bestfriendship was never my thing. Plastic acquaintanceship, yes. Or maybe it's just one of those distance yourself, draw away.. before you get burnt. In someone else's words.. fuck the world before the world fucks you. It's scary how alike and yet how different Me and Natasha are. Sweet vs. bitchy. Unselfish vs. selfish. Alwayshavingthingstosay vs. Notentirelymeaninglessconversationmaker. Insecure. Whiny. Needy. Sad. Heartbroken. Afraid. Pull away before it's too late.

And I don't like reading sheen's blog anymore. Her writing has a way of transporting me somewhere else.. a place I don't feel entriely comfortable in. Something like one of those sweaters with prickly things and full of dust that makes it hard to breath and the lingering smell of moths. Maybe it's the hidden bluntness of it all or the severe lack of just that.

Talking to Nausheen always does wonders for me. Happiness that lasts for days. She's my high pill. Lately everytime I think about her I find myself wondering if things between us will change once she gets here and find myself desperately hoping that they don't. I've never had a longdistance bestfriend before and it's beyond my understanding how we got as close as we are and how we've manage to stay just that.

Funny how friends have become the center of my world now.
I guess someone always has to fill that space..
And the thatspacefiller I do want is unavailable.

And that sms will constantly ring in my mind for a lnog time to come, the random advice sent to Nat: Ofcourse it's hard dealing with it.. Especially when you're together in school and you see her everyday and realize what a fool you were to let her go.. Especially someone as sweet, craing and understanding as you.. Ofcourse he still likes you but that doesn't mean you'll get together- too many variables add in to that. Or something to that effect. And you just don't give that type of advice without thinking of yourself in that position.

And she dwelled in fantasyworld.