anticipation.Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Thinking about The Perfect Colleague who never ceases to amaze me with her charm and professionalism, and who happens to be 27 years old, made me wonder where I would be when I am 27 - that’s six years away from now.

Once upon a time I had my life perfectly planned out. I knew I’d finish my BBA, work for a year or two. Perhaps go for an MBA somewhere in Pakistan, be it LUMS or IBA. I wanted to end up working for Unilever. And get married to The Great Love, eventually settling down in Karachi or Lahore. That was my dream.

The Great Love changed his mind and Unilever never accepted me in the MT program. Those two seemed to be the lowest times of my life but now that I come to think of it, they were probably the two best things that ever happened to me. That dream now seems too small, too limited.

And now, now my dreams know no boundaries. I don’t know where I’ll be 2 years from now, let alone six. For a control freak like me, it’s very scary to not know. I know I’ll be in England for Master’s all of next year. But what after that? Will I stay there and get a job? I want to, because I want to get citizenship. Will I come back to Dubai and work? I want to, because I can earn so much money and live the most luxurious life ever. Will I go to Pakistan and stay there? I want to, because I feel that’s where I belong.

There is so much I want to do, finish my Master’s in Marketing or International Management. Be a brand manager, and following that, a marketing director – or a management consultant. Also at some point, I want to start a business in Pakistan using The Great Business Idea I’ve lately been toying with. I have always wanted to get a Master’s in Psychology and one in Literature, someday I shall. I also want to go to Harvard some day because that’s been my lifelong dream.

I want to live at least for one year in Paris, one in New York, one in Los Angeles. And perhaps, some time in San Francisco, Australia and Italy. I also want to find someone wonderful and hopefully get married by the time I am 26 or 27. However, try as I may, I can’t seem to find a way to fit everything in. Too many things to do, and life somehow seems too short.

I don’t even know if these things will matter to me a few years from now. Just like Unilever and The Great Love seem distant mistakes of the past, perhaps these things, too, will pale in comparison to some more ambitious future dreams. Or perhaps, because they say be prepared for the worst, there might be no dreams and I’ll just get stuck in a dead end job.

I don’t really have the answers to any of these questions. I don’t really have a crystal ball that can help me gaze into the future. In spite of all that, I love being 21 and having my whole wonderful life ahead of me. I love being at a point in life where merely anticipation can ignite feelings I never knew existed. Where I can do whatever I please and take my life in any direction I want. The past year has been a great eye opener for me, it has changed my mind about a lot of things I thought I was very sure about.

I guess in some ways, I really don’t want to know what the future holds, “cause then what? I actually like the quest, the search. That's the fun. The more lost you are, the more you have to look forward to. What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't even know it.” (As Ally McBeal very aptly put it).