christeningSunday, July 30, 2006

i have finally named my car.. TINKERBELL! ^_^
although sheen thinks it's too long and i'll end up calling her tinky.

how pritty she is. mashAllah. :)

lambourghiniSaturday, July 29, 2006

my vitz is my mercedes
no man, your vitz is your lambourghini!
hah, nah. mercedes is wife material.
and lambourghini?
girlfriend.

how true.
irony.
meaning in senseless analogies.
eye openers.

love.

bin teiray sanam, mar miteingay ham
aa meri zindagi..
ooh, aana hi para sajna, zalim hai dil ki lagi.
teiray hi dam sey hogi, dil ki muad poori
teiray bagheir janam, hai zindagi adhoori
aey meiray haseen ab na ja kahin
aa meri zindagi.
aana hi para sajna, zalim hai dil ki lagi.
ye jan kar balam ji, thaami hein teri baahein
sehni pareingi sabki..
kaanton bhari nigahein.
sab saheingay ham aur haseingay ham
aa meri zindagi
lalala, aana hi para hi sajna,
zalim hai dil ki lagi.
bin teiray sanam mar miteingay ham,
aa meri zindagi.
aana hi para sajna, zaalim hai dil ki lagi.

iwantotfallinlovelikethatagain,please?

Evo.

An Evo episode today. Sigh.
The nice cars on the road sweep me off my feet.

Career woman.Wednesday, July 26, 2006

The hot shot of the department, who's been working here for TWENTY years, walks up to my cubicle while I'm in the middle of Orkutting and looking at random pictures. He says, hello. I'm alarmed, and try to act casual, make conversation with him. Senior, busy person took the time out to walk to my cubicle to catch me Orkutting? Eee. Major poop.

We talk and make conversation. He asks how my project has been coming along. He asks why I'm still here though my 6 weeks are over. I brief him on my project timeline. You know what he tells me?

He tells me he's been noticing me.
He tells me..

I've worked here for 20 years, I've seen so many people.
And I've noticed you.
You have potential.. you will go places.

He made my day. It was my day high. Even though he caught me in the middle of Orkutting and my endless breaks. He has noticed me work. Which my boss has not. My boss has been too busy to be bothered about 'some intern'. This guy is on a much more senior level than my boss.

He says I'll go places.
And he says that, with conviction.

Wow.

It is a day of quotes.Tuesday, July 25, 2006

No my friend, darkness is not everywhere, for here and there I find faces illuminated from within; paper lanterns among the dark trees.

- Carole Borges


We're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. How else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing somebody we've never even met?

- David Foster Wallace

To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet.

- Charles Caleb Colton

I know the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started.

- Ernest Hemingway, "A Farewell To Arms" .. my loneliness started the day you left.

Time takes it all, whether you want it to or not. Time takes it all, time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.

- Stephen King, "The Green Mile"

I've lived to long with pain. I won't know who I am without it.

- Orson Scott Card, "Ender's Game"

Beautiful.

Plain women know more about men than beautiful ones do. But beautiful women don't need to know about men. It's the men who have to know about beautiful women.
- Katharine Hepburn

I have too much time free time,
and this is too good! Hah.

confusion

five different directions. pulled in. letting myself pulled.
shrinking away. wanting to.
five? five. FIVE! omg.

beech.

I just read the meanest thing but also the funniest thing I've come across all day. I feel quite guilty for finding it funny but it's so bloody hilarious.

Fighting online is like racing in the special olympics; even if you win, you're still retarded.

*lalala*

carlos.. pretty girls, are never lonely.Sunday, July 23, 2006

come to me.. bhool jaey saarey jahan.. come to me.. ham bana lein apni nai jagah..
kal agar na mil paey.. reh na jaey, baat baaki..

indian music constantly blasting in the speakers of my car.such a thrill driving.swerving, gripping, the speed, the feeling. it's so.. so ME somehow.. the music, the car..i spent lots of money on indian song cassettes last night. last night. last night. i saw you. after.. 18 days. seems like forever. not a thing anymore.

so much for.. har saans.. sulajh rahi thi, uljhane ko tum aa gaey..
mei kab ka kho chuka tha.. bataney tum aa gaey,

the song doesn't do a thing anymore. it doesn't give me goosebumps or keep me up at nights anymore. it doesn't make me quiver with anticipation or grin with glee or shy from being smitten anymore.

nor do you.

how funny is that.. 24th hasn't even happened yet. f*ck 0.5.. this wasn't even.. 0.17.
how do you win every time? how? why? you met the perfct person so soon. f*ck 0.5. f*ck YOU.
everytime. the games. the race. the cuore. the friend stealing. always.
i want to think that i hate you. but that would prove, to me, that i still care.
but i don't. you're a hazy nothing.

i made myself cry in the morning. i will not think.

and s. second thoughts and whatnot. don't even know if there will be something in december. the diamond, the parents, the things. you have me hurt. more than i'd like to amit.always pretended to be indifferent so that wouldn't matter if not work out. somewhere along the way, i think indifference turned tonot so much. and now it matters. it matters when no gtalk. it matters when no phone call. it somehow matters when no talk at all. imiss.

lately, days have been filled with so much more. salsa.. which makes me smile. sand between toes and poking at blue bottles at sea view. walking along the shore, stepping inout inout of water. or caffeine, the strawberry shisha. the no smoking discussions.. the constant cell blinking. hmm. makes me smile, every so often.

..

carlos.. pretty girls.. are never lonely.
-gabrielle, desperate housewives, season 1

nausheen's fraandshipper.Thursday, July 20, 2006

so a random person adds nausheen on msn and i'm really bored so randomly decide to add him/her.

shiver, just (75500) says:
hi
A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
hi
shiver, just (75500) says:
a/s/l?
A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
w/s

...

little while later


A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
rascale
shiver, just (75500) says:
beech
A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
dog m
A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
monkey child
A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
donkey brother
A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
`buterd
A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
harammi
shiver, just (75500) says:
you wanna franship?
shiver, just (75500) says:
plzzz?
A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
no

...


A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
u will b deat
shiver, just (75500) says:
you mardur?
A MEMORY LAST FOREVER AND NEVER DOES IT DIE TRUE FRIEND STAY TOGETHER AND NEVER SAY GOOD BYE says:
dog child

shit.Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Favorites underlined in big font. Hilarious.

Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Atheism: What shit?
Nihilism: No shit.
Alcoholics Anonymous: Shit happens-one day at a time!

untitled.

life would be better dancing under the moonlight with music playing, the classic and sweet insatiable rhythms of the spanish guitar.

and too many people read my blog now.
too public for comfort.

s.Sunday, July 16, 2006

salsa. skyline. ss. santro. surreal. skeptical. stupidity. sj. sheen.

heh, my life's been so insanely full of s's lately somehow. apart from the k, the k which is the c.

there's nothing more romantic or surreal than doing salsa on the rooftop, under the hiddenbehindclouds almostfullbutnotquite moon and the hiddenbehindtheclouds notshowing stars. the city stretching out all around you, glittering with lights - so alive and active, yet so peaceful and calm.

salsa. one two three. one two three. step back, step front. left and right.center. spanish music playing in the background. here, under the moon, under the stars, i tell you, my dear. someone translated some for me. heavenly.

on the way back, saw the same black sexy skyline that i'd seen at khadda 3am, saturday night. a very biased race, a very cute person driving. the number plate.. something 666. i was too busy admiring the car. so sexy. took my breath away. he just brrrrhhmm-ed away. wow. amazing pick. sigh.

and a very happy 6th 15th to you, irony at its peak.
i keep lying to myself, hoping i'll believe it someday?

you're my story.Tuesday, July 11, 2006

you're like a chapter in the book of my life. a chapter that's faded due to so many reasons unknown, just disappeared. a chapter that cannot be rewritten cuz once you write something beautifully, you can (no matter how hard you try) not reconstruct the words in exactly that order again. a chapter that had no backup, no copies made anywhere.. just that one chapter. over there. one that has faded. the saddest thing about human memory is- what's gone, is gone forever. just a series of empty pages, lots of empty pages.. in the middle of the book. misprint, if you may.

it's not like there won't be more chapters later. it's not like the story won't go on. it's not like the pages won't turn. there will be more chapters.. the pages will turn, the story will go on. but. but. the book will never, ever be complete. it will have an ending, yes, the ending might even be happy.. but it'll never be complete. it will never be complete without you. i will never be complete without you.

i never was

heh, and now you're a chapter in somebody else's book.
and somebody else is a chapter in your book.

my chapter was blacked out. torn. and shredded.

it barely hurts anymore however. some consolation.
when victories are few, you have to make do with what life offers.
let the glass be half full- even if half full with poison :)

happy birthday kirnaTuesday, July 04, 2006

it's only 2pm yet and i've already had one of the most amazing birthdays ever. nothing can beat those treasure hunts joe used to make for me when i was tiny, but this comes quite close too. went to basement cafe with bunch of people. 12 struck and calls, calls, calls. beautiful chocolate chip cake and lots of sick jokes. there's nothing like perversion to make you laugh like you can't stop. heh. trillions of smses and zillions of scraps. kirna felt special. came to work a little late (having gotten home at 4am :/) and everyone at work had been waiting to wish me. my day was made.

yet. only two moments truly moved me. moved me so much that at the first, my eyes welled up. and the second.. i actually cried. cried in the middle of work. first was when papa called and it broke my heart that he was so far away. and second was when i saw an e-card ammi sent me, which said "from mummy" and it also said i'm a star. heh, see, i'm crying again.

i think about ammi and papa. and everything else seems so tiny. so insignificant. the heart breaks, the crushes, the career, the academics. everything is so trivial in front of them. they're such a huge part of me. no. i'm a part of them. they're ME. i can't thank Allah enough for them. never ever. no matter how hard i try. i love them so much. thank you, Allah.

i have the best parents in the world.
alhamdulAllah. mashAllah. touchwood.

soon to be un-teenagerMonday, July 03, 2006

Today marks the last day of my teen age. I'm going to be 20 very soon. In, like, 14 hours. I don't want to. 19 began with such immense despair that I never knew how I'd pick myself up again. It's ending in a manner that I just don't want to turn 20 anymore, I keep thinking this is probably the best time I'll ever have in my life.

In the past three months, I've barely spent seven or eight nights at home. Been out every night, and it has helped. It's helped me grow, it's helped me get over the pain, it's helped me develop as a new person, it's helped me regain my sense of self, it's helped me test my limits and realize how strong I really am. It's helped me know myself so much more better than I ever could have.. It's helped me become happy. Thank you Bhaiyya, Bhabi, Ammi and Papa for being so understanding and making things so much easier.

For my 18th birthday, I was promised an all expenses paid trip to Paris – that didn't work out for some reason, but it was the thought that counted.
For my 19th birthday, I got my very own top of the line, excellent, wonderful laptop.
For my 20th birthday, I've gotten my very own car and so much freedom and trust.

Heh, no wonder I lahv buddays ;)

I don't know what to do for the birthday, I've spent all my birthdays in Dubai – this is the first time after years that I'm going to be spending it in Karachi. I just don't know what to do, there are so many different groups of friends that I can't possibly go out with just a selected few. I think I'll just spend time with family, we'll go for dinner or something and also take Nausheen along.

I don't know what will be worse: if you wish me on my birthday, or if you don't. I wish that you'd just stop existing. Not die. But pfft! Just vanish from the face of this earth. I don't hate you anymore, don't know about love either. But I glance at you and though it's heart wrenching, the pain goes away in an instant and I become indifferent and block you out. You don't make my heart skip so much anymore. But I don't want school to resume, I don't want to see you everyday anymore. Seeing you twice in the past two months has been more than enough, thank you. But. But. You’re not my mindfuck anyway, so hah.

This time around, for all the things I'm thankful for, the family is top of the list with Nausheen and Amena as close seconds. I don't know how I would have made through this year, I don't know how I would have gotten over the pain. I was so miserable it made my heart break. It's still not completely repaired but I'm getting there.

I love you Ammi and Papa.
I love you Jo and Arfi.
I love you Bhaiyya and Bhabi.
I love you Sheen and Amu.

Lots of happiness, lots of love.
I think I'm ready to be 20 now :)